My ruling love was woodworking. I wanted to build the finest furniture in existence and create cabinetry that stood for decades.
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There was this moment I had while attending my local community college when I found myself deep in coursework focused on becoming a craftsman. There was woodshop, pottery, glassblowing, and other creative endeavors that had me dreaming of a future where I was well respected and in demand because I was so good at what I did.
I could have been overwhelmed. There was a lot on my plate, and as such, I was busy. But soon I discovered something that I hadn’t quite known up until then. I called it my “Ruling Love,” and once I found it, everything changed.
A Definition of Ruling Love
A ruling love has a straightforward definition:
A deep, powerful desire to do something that brings a person joy. When people do what they love, they lose themselves in their work. They don’t pay attention to when the day ends or begins. Instead, they find themselves in a creative state, working in a flow that consumes them in a very positive way. And the results of those efforts are often beautiful.
Everyone has a ruling love. I know people who love cycling. They plan entire weekends around hitting the road with their bikes and riding hundreds of miles. I’ve met folks who love painting cars so much that they understand the science behind the paint and how one brand will interact with another. Whatever it is, they do it to the point that they can enter a flow state, and for them, time almost stands still. Their focus is absolute. They have a goal, and they’re going to meet it. And they do this whenever possible.
For me, my ruling love was woodworking. I wanted to build the finest furniture in existence and create cabinetry that stood for decades. When I discovered that I couldn’t support a family doing that, especially during a recession, I had to decide whether focusing on my ruling love was a viable career path.
Pivoting from Your Ruling Love
Having a ruling love is a powerful thing, but not everyone can turn it into their career, no matter how much they try. I learned early on that based on the amount of time I put into each woodworking project, I would have to charge substantially more than the market would sustain. Even legends in the field were charging less for their work than I imagined, and it became apparent that woodworking was not going to be the path that would support my growing family.
Fortunately, I found a hole in the market and began creating elevator interiors for clients, as well as the occasional furniture piece. I could continue working with wood, which was my passion, and pay the bills.
This was a compromise, to be sure, but sometimes we must shift how we apply what we love to do, while still staying true to its core. Eventually, I found an even higher ruling love for building systems and a community at work. This was the best of both worlds, as I was able to apply my creativity in a new way. On a deeper level, I found that looking outwards and not just focusing on what I wanted required me to be more selfless. It all led to greater fulfillment and happiness.
Push Forward
You may find yourself in a similar position in the future. Your ruling love can be whatever you like, and instead of pursuing it for your career, you may decide instead to do a more reasonable or marketable thing. The world needs plenty of people with different skills and interests who can do all sorts of jobs.
But before you go down that path, consider turning your ruling love into something that will move you forward. It may lead you to a time and place where you can maximize your usefulness to others. If you can do that, then you may find satisfaction in what you do in a different way.
Pursuing your ruling love is hard, but like anything that’s difficult to do, the rewards are well worth it.