When you sign up for a role on reality television, you sign up for your share of public scrutiny. Craig Conover, a staple on Bravo’s Southern Charm since the series launched in 2014, is no exception. What’s different for Conover, says the Charleston, S.C.-based founder of lifestyle brand Sewing Down South, is that the online vitriol pales in comparison to the bullying he experienced as a child. And that has made all the difference for him.
“The good thing is they could never do anything to me on TV or social media that would ever touch what they did back then,” Conover says, sharing that when he signed his first contract for the Bravo series at age 24, some of those demons from his past were still in his head. “Ten years later and I was still thinking about it. It’s crazy how long bullying stays with you. And one of my biggest goals on TV is to touch on this.”
Growing up with tics and routines that sometimes made for an hours-long bedtime regimen brought its share of torment, from the elementary school bus to the high school soccer field.
“The style of bullying I’d deal with regularly is a ‘friend’ who would sit with you when we first got on the bus and then they’d act like they didn’t know me when everyone else got on the bus. Which really can mess you up, not knowing when you can fully believe someone, or whether someone’s going to leave you,” he says.
The silver lining, Conover says, is that he very early honed his skills of self-validation, and empathy.
As a child, “I was empathetic to the bullies who were making my life hell because I knew that they were just doing to me what their dads were doing to them when they got home,” he says. “It’s a weird place to be. You know it’s not their fault, but still what they’re doing to you isn’t right either.”
Conover has evolved those skills to help navigate the complex web of social media. Case in point: Not long ago he was trying to grow his presence on TikTok, a platform he hadn’t spent as much time on, and discovered some less than sanguine feedback.
“I was getting torched on TikTok. There was someone who kept saying, ‘You are just the worst person that ever existed.’ And I had just come back from doing something at a military base—so many things in my life are surrounded by philanthropy—and so instead of firing off a comment I messaged him and said something like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry if I don’t remember, but have we met before? Because the things you’re saying I’d think you could only say about someone you really know.’ And he messaged me back and just broke down, said he was having the worst day and just taking it out on people online as a coping mechanism. I gave him a pump-up talk and told him, tomorrow starts the rest of your life. It ended up being a great conversation.”
Today, Conover says he’s careful where he inserts himself on social media—you’re more likely to find him on Instagram—and how he shows up.
“One of the psychiatrists on the show said [obsessing over social media] is like cutting,” he recounts. “She said, ‘You guys reading comments online, you’re doing something you know is going to end up with you in pain. Because you’re going to keep reading past all the good comments until you get to the one that stings you. And it’s a choice. You can either continue to do this or not.’”
While he has what he calls “relapses” of going into a scrolling spiral, Conover says he’s made a habit of steering clear of platforms with lengthy commentary. “I haven’t looked at Reddit in a year and my life has changed zero me not knowing the mean things that people are saying about me. And I recently stopped Googling myself. I used to do it all the time. I’d have to know what people were saying, I had to know what the headlines were. But guess what? No, you don’t. You can’t change any of it, let alone understand. There are always going to be negative things. Positivity doesn’t sell in those markets.”
What does bring positivity, Conover has found, is sewing—and the community he’s stitched together around Sewing Down Under, a business he’s quick to point out stemmed from turning a dark time into something joyful.
“I was going through my first breakup on television and I was just home, and all I had was my showing machine. I remembered how to make a pillow from Home Ec and so I ripped up some old shirts and made a pillow inside out and when I turned it right side out I had this feeling of creation and I didn’t feel sad anymore,” says Conover, who recently penned children’s book Patch Work: Bee Brave. Bee Kind. Bee You, which encourages kids to embrace their unique hobbies and stand up to bullying.
Beyond the Charleston operation, he travels around the country sparking connection in communities at a time when so many feel isolated. “I just knew crafting didn’t go out of style because it wasn’t cool or fun, it just wasn’t a necessity anymore. You can order anything you want or need online It’s almost like a closeted hobby. So many families come [to our events], and so many more people sew and craft than you realize, they just don’t talk about it outside their home,” he says.
“A few years ago I read something that said, ‘Make everything that happens to you your fault. I took that to mean, don’t sit around waiting for permission to do things that you want to do. So if you like to sew or craft or cook or garden whatever it is—just do it, chase that personal happiness.”
Mind Reading (formerly Hollywood & Mind) is a recurring column that features interviews with musicians, actors, athletes, creators and other culture influencers who are elevating conversation and action around mental health, and breaking stigma.